So I saw this phrase on one of my facebook friends posts. And it reminded me of my everyday life. I say tomorrow all the time, at work, to my kids, and of course to my health. I'm really trying to focus on this and start doing things today. So far I have absolutely failed in this competition. I wasn't aware until recently how many people actually knew I was doing it. Just last night at my sons baseball game someone I haven't seen in almost a year asked me how I was doing. Although I'm not going to win this contest, or even come close, it has made me more aware of everything and that is something I haven't done in awhile. I work with people with addictions at times, and I try so hard to make them aware that they are killing themselves, but here I am doing the same thing. I don't want to die from choices that I make and I'm tired of feeling like I'm 60 years old, or telling my kids maybe next year we will go on a roller coaster. Maybe, just maybe this will be the year for that.

So my boyfriend of 6 years calls a family meeting last week. I was kinda concerned because he has never called a family meeting before...His dad is fighting cancer so I immediately thought something bad might have happened. He saw my concern in my face and assured me that his Dad was still OK but the meeting was based on his dad...Anyways he called the troops together and told us he was going to quit smoking. Now this is a big deal for him, he is a heavy smoker and last time he tried to quit he overdosed on nicotine while he was on the patch because he wasn't ready to quit. He explained to the boys he is going to be extremely irritable so for them and myself not to take it personal..I was proud of him for making this decision and I know how hard it was. He hasn't smoked for 3 days. He has been super grumpy and I mean SUPER GRUMPY but he has done it. I feel if he has to go through this, then I can go through it do and stop eating poorly. I know I have said it a million times, but I'll keep saying it, I'm not going to give up....I'll figure it out one day!!! Hopefully sooner that later! :-)

So I have definitely been eating better this week. Instead of fast food 2-3 times a week I had subway twice and that was a 6-inch sub with no cheese and chic filA sandwich once...so i am happy with that...as far as exercise I would like to share with whoever may be reading this my schedule for this week so someone may help me find REALISTIC times to exercise... Monday-woke up 630 to take high school kids to school 7-8 getting ready for work 830 take kids to school 9-330 work 4 kid to dance class back home to pick up other son for 530 dance class drop kid off at 630 for dance then to basketball at 7 worked second job till 1030 Tues-same morning schedule but worked till 530 son to baseball practice at 6pm home to make dinner then second job until 1030 Wed same morning routine but worked until 6pm did go to park with kids but limited time Thursday same morning routine but worked until 530 pm took son to baseball practice then other son to high school bball game pick up son from baseball and took him to dance did walk 30 minutes during dance   this is how my week is every week...full of a million things to do....little time in between i try to spend with my boys..I need to figure out how to find time for me!!!!!!!!!!

so last week was an OK week. I'm still not up to par with other contestants, but I feel better. I didn't eat a lot of fast food like I usually do. Because with my job I am always on the go I usually eat breakfast and lunch out somewhere. not only is this unhealthy, but money adds up. I signed up for the YMCA and I am hoping to start going with my sister...anyone who wants to go first thing in the morning let me know! The weather is definitely making me feel more positive and I hope it stays sunny. Hopefully I can get it all together soon so I can actually feel good in the summer instead of depressed by what I can't wear!

So I thought having everyone who reads the news-herald know my weight would give me the motivation to lose weight. Just like I previously thought joining weight watchers, $120 a month diet pills from Mexico, dexatrim, Atkins diet and many others magical things would work, but its not working. Sometimes I feel like having a heart attack or getting diabetes is the only way I can lose weight. I know it seems so simple. Don't eat bad things, and move a little bit but I have battling weight for over 30 years. I have so many opportunities through this contest to lose the weight but I'm obviously struggling. I definitely could use more support...I have my mom, my sister and a few co-workers that ask how I'm doing but I wish I had more people..like at home, but living with 5 males isn't very helpful....So I'm asking one more time God to give me the strength I need to do this. If you know me and are reading this take the time once in awhile to email or shoot me a text..just so I feel like someone cares...I'm hoping tomorrow I wake up with what I need to get through this. There's still a few months left so I have some hope.....

So I have been slowly getting it together...I haven't been eating out during the day as much and I'm starting to notice a difference by not being tired as much. I feel pressure from another contestant wanting to have everyone lose weight at each weigh in..(no pressure!) I don't want to be that one that ruins it all!. I got my hair done today and it looks awesome (shout out to Theresa at Famous Hair!) so that makes me feel better. I also went and worked out today...I started this contest slow, but aren't you supposed to start off a race slow so you can keep up the momentum the whole race? I'm just gonna pretend that's what I'm doing!!!

This is really hard and frustrating..I try my clothes on and get upset because nothing looks right. I don't do tons of things I want to do because of embarrassment and lack of energy. All I have to do is not ea a bunch of crap and get off my butt and move, but I am failing. It sounds so simple...there is so many reasons for motivation but yet I can't do it. Everyone has an answer but I can't find the solution for myself. Hopefully I will have an epiphany soon and everything will fall into place...Keep me in your prayers!!!